Sarah Rankin

Wood planks that make up an old porch lay sun-bleached and weathered and twenty-four rusty nails slowly make their way from their damp holding places. One tattered mop stands cornered by nothingness and aloneness, propped on it side and forgotten.

Above, a ship rockets by uncomfortably near, turns, and heads back to the personal port celebrities use to enter and exit the planet.

I arrived here not long ago from a very different world. Living just above my world in a sweet solitude, and isolation by the clouds let me have a Visual Life. I say visual because I never did much honestly, and I havent figured out why yet. There, I was a listener. A reciever. A watcher. Alone.

Jaklin was my best friend for eight years, thirty days and one hour. We did everything together. Saw every movie, went to every party, shared every secret, and dated the same boys together, which untimatly pushed us apart. I guess thats normal. Every heartbreak hurts differently, but the same magnitude of pain remains. Do you wish you could replay the younger years over and over, instead of getting old? Sometimes I do. Good times they were. I was grounded, secure in my ways, and knew nothing, which was fine. In almost every childhood game, you wouldnt guess I was always the "mom" or the "big sis", always in charge..Whatever Shyla wanted to do was the cool thing.

Then it happened. Lightning struck me in my sleep one night and I woke up scared, and in a panic. Shivering and pulling the covers up to my nose, I clenched my eyes shut so hard I could feel my lower lid push under my upper lid. Otherworldly noises started speaking to me, menacing voices that wouldnt be terrifying to me in any other place or time; family members, my favorite cartoon charactors, Yosemite Sam and the boxing kangaroo..I dont remember his name. Breathing half-breathes between sobs into my pillow which was now rock-hard for some reason, and feeling stomac acid and bile climb high into my throat, I finally got up and ran into my parents bedroom and lodged my sweat drenched body between them on their bed. One of them would stir and hold me and tell me "everything is all right Shyla", and immediatly Id snap out of the horror movie trance that had kept me prisoner and fall asleep.

Chapter 2

The sweet, over-spiced smell of shredded beef simmering in a pungent barbeque sauce, thrust itself through my nose cavity, clear into my brain. I was forced to sit up strait on a worn yet still classy leather couch, collecting my thoughts and my surroundings. After taking in the abnormaly short round pine sitting in the room with old school tree lights adorning it in a strange, erratic way I realised where I was. It was February. And I was at my auntie Darla's. "Shyla, are you awake? "Come here darling and taste this". I rolled onto my stomach and grunted as if to say "Yeah, Im comming auntie, everyone knows you can't taste anymore because you've been smoking for the better part of your life.."

I had fallen asleep on my aunt Darla's couch waiting for her to come home so I could snag a meal and some advice before I had to go into work at eight-thirty. If there was one thing my aunt was good at it would be making you feel better about a bad decision..The pot helped too.

"So your mother tells me you've moved out and gotten yourself an appartment with a young man". Darla said casually, very uncasually stabbing the beef with her fork. I had my face directly over the steaming plate and lost my balance inhaling overpowering chili powder. "Uhh..Yeah" Without looking up I knew she was giving me an And...? "..Yeah..You remember Charlie right aunti?" Was my delayed answer. "Oh, the nice guy you brought to the Christmas family dinner last year?" She replied, interested because this was the only boyfriend she had met. I smiled and giggled to myself..Yes good ol' Charles the third. I loved to tease him about his name mercelessly. "Yes, we've found an appartment together, not too far from where he works and where I do, in the downtown James Town district." She nodded, eyeing me couriously, as if she was seeing a whole 'nother side of me, which caused me to half-shrink into myself and take another bite, not looking up until spoken to. The spices gave me courage to finally add "Both our mothers agree it will be a good experience". Darla's expression softened. "I trust he'll be able to pay half the rent or what ever the agreement is?" "We've agreed on going halvsies". We both chuckled over the last word a bit then as Darla's uttered it again through a mouthful of baked potato "Haulvzees..?" I nearly fell out of my chair, then her eyes got wide and bits of potato started spewing, then I did .

When I recovered from the floor I took my dish and put my hand out for auntie's dish. "Done?" I asked with a friendly smirk. She nodded and pulled the napkin from her lap to wipe her lips. As I stood washing the dishes I thought of myself sitting in mine and Charlie's new appartment reading a book and basking in the sunlight that would stream through the abnormally tall windows. I would wear nothing but my huge comfy sweater and my thick pink alligator socks. When I turned to face the living room auntie was settling into the couch with her pipe in one hand and her special stash in the other.

I smiled and sat down next to her as she packed her bowl. "I dont ever think I'll be able to get over doing this with you of all people auntie Darla". She shot me a look that said "Well you outo've by now sunshine". Instead she said "When your uncle was alive we would go out behind your mother's bushes whenever she had the whole family over for Thanksgiving dinner". She added. "He's been gone too long now".

Chapter 3

"You know..You always were a sensible girl." Remarked mother from her swivel chair behind an oak desk. "I was when I listened to you, if that is what you're getting at" I replied coldly. "Of all the smart moves you've made in the past, do you really feel the need to break the cycle with this one?" she calmly asked. I turned my gaze from her shy eyes and narrowly speaking lips. I knew this was hard for her. Why was I being so fridged?

Finally after a minute of silence, listening to my own chewing gum smack around in my mouth I piped up "Well I have some errands to attend to mom..So I'll keep you posted.." My mother eyed me for a second and replied "I appreciate that Shyla" Then she added "I know you feel the need to be independant, I'm just afraid for you".

I left after our conversation had ended on a singed note and was heading towards my car when..